In Our Darkest Hour
by revolutiongirl
Summary: M/OC friendship. max goes soul searching.


IN OUR DARKEST HOUR  
  
authour: revolutiongirl  
rating: R-ish--angsty  
spoilers: up to "she ain't heavy"  
summary: "Sometimes i get stuck here, I get so upset, I'll burn at the ends  
I'll learn to regret, Just once toss of that fateful cigarette."--phantom planet  
  
" IN OUR DARKEST HOUR  
  
Oh yeah, it started today  
In a cloud  
If I was the sun  
I would shout  
I've got so much shining left before I'm out  
  
Yeah, it began with a spark  
Then a flame  
Grew into a fire  
And spread out again  
And I just woke up here surrounded by the whole thing  
  
Well, we have gotta get out of here  
In our darkest hour  
When we may not make it  
  
I can't see a thing  
Through the smoke  
And If I could breathe  
I'd try not to choke  
No where to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to go  
  
Sometimes i get stuck here  
I get so upset  
I'll burn at the ends  
I'll learn to regret  
Just once toss of that fateful cigarette  
  
Well, we have gotta get out of here  
In our darkest hour  
I think the end is near  
I can feel it  
We have got to get out of here  
In our darkest hour  
When we may not make it   
We have gotta get out of here  
In our darkest hour  
When we may not make it  
  
In our darkest hour  
I think the end is near  
I can feel it  
  
We have gotta get out of here  
In our darkest hour  
When we may not make it  
  
In our darkest hour  
In our darkest hour  
In our darkest hour."  
--phantom planet, "in our darkest hour"   
  
  
  
IN OUR DARKEST HOUR  
  
  
MAX POV  
  
i lie prostrate in tepid bathwater, looking up at the leaky ceiling. water slips pleasantly  
through my fingers, i wave them around slowly. sweat trickles down between my breasts,  
it's hot as hell out--strange, considering yesterday it was cold and rainy and shitty out.  
  
nature is confused, like the rest of the helpless creatures on this planet--me included.  
  
my hair is matted to my head--i didn't bother tying it back. i forget when i got into the bathtub,   
but i'm not wrinkly yet. another benefit of being an x5.  
  
no breath of wind today. the bead of sweat continues its journey down my sterum, dripping into my  
hollow navel.  
  
my clone was right--i was going to run away, just like always. hindsight is 20/20, right? looking  
back, i smile mirthlessly at the fact that i've been so stupid to lay down roots here. but the more  
human side of me (pushingbackthesoldierfrantically) is glad that i have family. not traditional family, but,  
then again, none of me has been traditional--ever.  
  
cindy knocks and lets herself in.  
  
it's so confusing right now. that's one of my main problems--things keep shifting continuously, now  
more than ever, and sometimes (despite my perfect DNA, sarcastically said), i have keeping up.  
i think that happens to everyone..just not to my degree. i guess sometimes i forget   
(desperatelytryingtofitinkeepeveryonesafenow!) that along with my enhansed DNA comes enhansed emotions as   
well.  
  
cindy grabs the stool in the corner and sits down. i'm naked as a jaybird, i can't remember if she's  
seen me like this, a distant part of my mind screams for me to cover up, decency, not manticore nakidity.  
cindy looks away respectfully, but i don't care much at the moment.  
  
"cindy.." i say, my mouth sluggish and slow, tongue struggling through the syllables,   
"i don't understand anything anymore." once the words fly from my mumbling mouth, i realize that   
they're true.  
  
she looks at me.  
  
"boo, you're naked. you've been in the bathtub for almost three hours in warm water, when it's ninety out.  
you came back when you said you wouldn't. you met your clone. you had dawgy dawg and the other transgenics get all up  
on white's ass. you reunited with logan, sorta. perfectly understandable to be confused."  
  
"cindy, we're in a war." my mind is becoming clearer (foggoawaynow!soldiertakeovermind-2statusstillfoggyREBOOT)  
"not just because they said so on the news--the media's full of shit, but it's true.."  
  
"damn right you're in a war." she said tersely, but with strange tenderness (i'veneverknown), she  
reaches out tentatively and strokes my sweaty plastered hair.  
  
"i've never been in anything like this before. even manticore didn't prepare us for this..."  
  
"in our darkest hour", cindy said gently, "it's okay to be scared and unprepared."  
sweat and bathwater trickle off of me as i follow an impulse and hug cindy (notsoldierlikeiknowbutihaveTO,  
needthiscontact), not caring about my bare chest and wet arms tightly gripped around her (lesbianismHA!),  
not caring that i'm crying my eyes out because i'm SO fucking scared, never prepared for anything like this  
in my life, letting my guard down for once because i'm so damned tired of holding it up.  
  
she just strokes my hair. my tears soak quietly into her old silk tanktop.  
  
"in our darkest hour", she repeats in a whisper in my ear, "it's okay to be weak."  
  
suddenly, the fog in my head is gone, the bathwater is completely gone, and the sweat has dried from  
my brow--because i realize she is right, and because i realize that even transgenics and soldiers, aside from  
all the training and abuse, DO have their own darkest hours.  
  
OWARI. 


End file.
